5/1/22, around 4pm
Eliana,
This was originally supposed to be your graduation present after outpatient.  Then I didn’t have the energy to do it [due to my illness].  And when I went to inpatient, I grabbed it.  I planned to finish the book as a last gift to you before killing myself.
But early this morning, I had the dream [that saved my life], and decided I’m not going anywhere if I can help it.  And realized giving you one last thing would be a douchebag move for me to do.  Fuck that.  It’s selfish, more for me than for you, and would haunt you until the end.  <i>Screw</i> that self-centered BS.
So, I’m sticking around.  If I can.  I’m not taking myself out of this damn world.  If death wants me, he can do his own fucking job, because I ain’t doing it for him.
Thanks for sticking by me, especially now.  For believing in me so much.  I love you.  Let’s see where this goes.
From,
Bez